


You'll Know

by abbythebear



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Tumblr: promptsinpanem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 12:33:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3692430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbythebear/pseuds/abbythebear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Prompts in Panem, Round 7 Day 4: Howls</p>
<p>Katniss and Peeta have been together for seven years, but what happens when they have the fight that changes everything? </p>
<p>Inspired by the song “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac.<br/>Some direct quotes from Fleetwood Mac, Funny Girl, and The Hunger Games series, obviously those are not mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Know

 

**_Part One: Peeta_ **

 

“Will you listen to me?” Peeta yelled after Katniss as she stormed through the house they had shared for the last two years.

Peeta watched as she collected some of her belongings that were strewn throughout the house. A sweater here, a pair of yoga pants there. She threw the items she needed violently into her bag, as though the offending items were whom she’d been fighting with for the past few hours instead of himself.

The two had been together for almost seven years. They met after Peeta saw Katniss perform in Panem University’s production of _Funny Girl_ their sophomore year of college. Aside from her undeniable beauty and incredible talent, Peeta knew, from the moment he heard her sing, that she was someone special. Peeta told her just that when he attended the performance a second time and introduced himself to her afterward. It took a while for Katniss to come around to the idea, but they’d grown to love each other deeply and had become inseparable over the years.

Katniss and Peeta had a lot of trivial spats. They argued over things like which chef would be voted off the next round of _Chopped_ , which character in a book was better, or who used all the hot water on a random morning last February. The arguments could be silly or heated, and typically ended with either sex or one of the two forgetting how the argument began. Generally, the disagreements didn’t last long, were healthy for their relationship, and aided them in moving forward as a couple.

It was the big fights that killed Peeta. In seven years of being together, they’d had only a handful of ‘real fights’ that left them both hurting for days and sometimes weeks. The fights didn’t happen often, but when they did, they were big and they were brutal. It was during these fights that Peeta tended to make passive aggressive comments about her, while Katniss stuck with the more direct approach of calling him out on all of his bullshit spanning the better part of a decade.

There was no rhyme or reason to the timing of the fights or what would set them off, but that didn’t stop them both from attacking their opponent’s weaknesses. Peeta had known for over an hour that they were getting out of hand and that he needed to put an end to this thing before they ended up sleeping in separate zip codes for a few days. But Katniss kept at him. For every snide remark he made, she hurled a curse word or a brutal insult his way. It was a vicious cycle that he couldn’t get a handle on.

“No, I will _not_ listen to you, Peeta,” she screamed back, her voice hoarse from their battle. “I think you’ve made it perfectly clear how you feel.”

_Not the tremble of the lip_ , he thought. It was always the worst when Katniss’ anger overwhelmed her to tears. She was full of fire, and it was one of the things he loved most about her, but when the fire’s blaze became too much, Katniss showed a vulnerability that Peeta didn’t see often. Sure, she was open and honest with him, but that took a lot of time and trust, which Peeta did not take for granted. It was at times like these, when he saw the barest part of her soul, that he saw the fear in her. And that’s when she started packing and he started begging 

“Katniss, please-“

“Don’t ‘please’ me, Peeta,” she cut him off with no room for argument. “I don’t need to deal with this shit.”

And Peeta knew she didn’t. That was the worst part of it all. Peeta was very aware of the gross imbalance of their relationship. On the surface, the give and take of their day-to-day seemed to balance: they supported, loved, and trusted one another implicitly, but Peeta believed that Katniss deserved so much more than anything he could give her. So much more than Peeta, himself.

“You’re right,” he agreed quietly as he hung his head. On any other occasion, he would plead with her to forgive him and to just stay with him, but tonight he couldn’t argue with her. She _shouldn’t_ have had to deal with his shit, especially not for this long.

“I know I’m right,” she snapped, as she yanked her purse off the barstool and slung it over her shoulder. “I’m not doing this anymore.” He could tell by the way her eyes widened just the slightest bit, that she seemed to surprise herself with that declaration. She left the house with nothing but a slam of the door.

He felt like she had just slapped him in the face. Or punched him in the gut. The finality of her words made him crumble to the ground. That hopeless feeling hadn’t been there in times past. Typically, resignation would set in by now and he would wait for Katniss to cool off before they talked it out and moved on. It felt different, real this time, final. And that terrified him more than their fights ever had.

\-----

Five days was the longest they had gone without speaking in the eight years since they had met. And now it was day six.

Peeta only called her once, on that third day, but it went straight to voicemail. Peeta deduced that Katniss had either purposely let her phone die or blocked his number. Every day that passed without word from her, he became weaker and grew more afraid that maybe Katniss had finally had enough of him. He had hoped that day would never come, but he told himself he shouldn’t be all that surprised. Peeta had been hiding an emerald and diamond engagement ring in his shaving kit for three years now because Katniss wasn’t necessarily open to the idea of marriage, but he’d always hoped she would change her mind one day.

Without Katniss, Peeta’s waking hours were hell, and, as hard as he tried, sleep refused to overtake him at night. The bed was empty beside him, but Katniss’ book on the nightstand mocked him incessantly until he finally shoved it in the drawer on the third night. He functioned on the naps he accidentally found himself taking at his desk throughout the workday, but spent the majority of his time thinking about Katniss. He was surrounded by people all day, but Peeta had never felt more alone.

Peeta’s efforts to cope with his emptiness were fruitless. He utilized some productive, healthy strategies, like writing Katniss letters she would never read and running, but he also indulged in way too many drinks when Finnick forced him out of the house on day eleven.

“At what point do you give up on eight years of loving the perfect woman, Finn?” Peeta slurred as he ordered his sixth drink of the night. “Captain ‘n Coke, hold the Coke,” he told the bartender before directing his attention back to his best friend and business partner.

From the start, Finnick Odair was Katniss and Peeta’s biggest fan. He was the one who shoved Peeta to the front of the line after they saw _Funny Girl_ for the second time, even though their mandatory theater class only required them to attend the show once. Over the years, Finnick had become a great friend of Katniss’ as well, and even ended up marrying one of her college roommates, Annie Cresta, six months ago. Katniss and Peeta had a lot to thank Finnick for. When Katniss graduated with her Master’s degree two years ago and decided to stay in town, Finnick finagled himself out of the lease on the house he and Peeta had agreed to rent, so Katniss could co-sign instead.

“You sure you don’t want to slow ‘er down there?” Finnick clapped his friend on the back, hoping beyond hope that the night wouldn’t end with Peeta passed out in a corner somewhere. Peeta didn’t drink often, especially not like this, but Finnick supposed it was better than knowing his buddy was sitting at home crying by himself.

“I’ve been good, Finn,” Peeta ignored his friend’s previous question. “I just need to know. Please tell me.” He knew he wasn’t making sense, but hoped that Finnick could put the clues together and give him a straight answer.

“Tell you what, buddy?” Finnick asked, his usual bravado gone.

“Katniss!” Peeta yelled, probably louder than he meant to, in an attempt to be heard over the music blaring in the sports bar.

“I don’t know, man.”

“Tell me,” he pleaded. “Please just tell me how she is.”

Finnick drained the rest of his beer before responding, his tone serious. “I really don’t know, Peet. She’s not staying with us.”

Peeta’s vision grew blurry, from the alcohol, the impending tears, or maybe both. He couldn’t cry again. Not here.

“She’s- she’s-“ Peeta began his thought, but couldn’t finish it, once again taken by the overwhelming isolation he felt in Katniss’ absence. “I don’t know.” Peeta sighed and gave up, finishing his drink before Finnick assisted him in heading to the car to go home.

As they walked up the steps to the dark house, Peeta fumbled with his keys, dropping them before he could get the key in the lock. Finnick stooped to retrieve them, unlocking the front door and helping Peeta to the couch.

“I guess she didn’t pick tonight to come home,” Peeta snorted as he tore off his jacket and chucked it across the room. “I don’t think she’s ever coming home.”

Finnick returned to the couch with a glass of water and three aspirin. “Take these.” Peeta shook his head. “Take them. And she will come home, you’ve just got to give her time.”

“She’s had so much time already,” Peeta whimpered. Finnick coaxed him to stand up and walk down the long hallway to the bedroom while Peeta babbled on about Katniss. Reaching the room, Finnick flipped the light on to find the room a disaster: clothes everywhere, and sheets and pillows on the floor. Peeta staggered to the bed and plopped down with a grunt.

“There ya go,” Finnick soothed as he helped Peeta remove his shoes and socks. Somewhere in Peeta’s mind, a thought came to him that maybe he should be embarrassed by his emotions and behavior, but he simply didn’t care.

“She’s-“ Peeta started again.

“She’s what?”

“She’s not there, ya know.” He asked, sounding slightly panicked as he pointed to Katniss’ side of the bed. “The bed is empty, and I can’t sleep ‘cause she’s not there.”

“I know.”

“She’s not there, and I can’t sleep, and I don’t know where she is,” Peeta was bordering on hysteria, but he couldn’t stop.

“I know, Peet.”

“No, you don’t! She’s gone, Finn!” He pulled his hair in frustration, willing himself not to break. “Katniss is gone, and- and I’m so tired.” Peeta sobbed, finally breaking.

The alcohol amplified his emotions, making him a little more dramatic than he’d usually be, but Peeta couldn’t deny that the separation from Katniss was killing him. He knew that Finnick was worried, the pitying looks and silence he received told him as much, but Peeta was struggling. Finnick laid him down facing Katniss’ empty side of the bed, and Peeta mumbled a half-hearted apology for his antics.

“Don’t worry, Peet,” Finnick soothed as he pulled the door closed behind him. “We’ll figure it out in the morning. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

And then it was dark.

\----

The alarm went off promptly at six o’clock, playing whatever song Katniss had programmed it to. It was mostly for her use or the rare occasion when he slept in, as Peeta was usually up before five. She hated the alarm and dreaded the mornings, much preferring to slam the buttons as hard as she could to get a few more precious minutes of sleep.

This particular morning, the alarm was welcome. It was a reprieve from the few fitful hours of sleep that managed to overtake Peeta. After Finnick retreated to the guest bedroom, which would have been his had he move in, so he insists on calling it _his_ bedroom, Peeta blinked up at the dark ceiling for who knew how long.

When his eyes finally adjusted, he stared at the empty space next to him on the bed, focusing on Katniss’ pillows. He knew she had paid what she deemed an ‘obscene’ amount of money for those pillows, and she loved them so much she didn’t even travel overnight without them. And now she’d been without them for twelve nights, probably losing sleep, even if it was only because she didn’t have them with her. Instead of selfishly hoping that maybe Katniss was struggling to sleep as well, more than anything, Peeta wished he could take them to her.

Through the night, Peeta teetered in and out of consciousness. Every time he closed his eyes, he was forced to relive their fight, but it was as if somebody had pressed the mute button. He was only able to observe Katniss’ body language and try to read the angry words spewing from her lips. Time and time again, he watched her walk out the door for the last time. When he started from the horrific dreams, he turned for Katniss, reaching for the warmth she always brought to him. Instead of finding her petite body sprawled out next to him and her fresh fragrance, he found nothing but empty space and the cold sheets. Each time he woke, he resolved not to fall asleep anymore, for fear he’d wake up without her again. 

Peeta turned off the alarm, ensuring it wouldn’t go off again in another five minutes, and allowed the memories of the previous night to come back to him. The bar, talking to Finnick, crying, nightmares, crying. Lather, rinse, repeat: at least that’s how it felt to Peeta. He typically wasn’t much of a crier, but the thought that Katniss might be gone for good was too overwhelming.

The clang of a pot coming the kitchen startled him from his pity party. For a second, Peeta was surprised that Finnick was awake this early. Then he remembered that Annie was on the night rotation and was probably driving home. He would have to face Finnick at some point in the day, so it might as well have been at the house rather than work.

Pulling some sweatpants out of the dresser, he started for the kitchen. Peeta quieted his heavy gait when he overheard Finnick on the phone, presumably with Annie.

“We’ve got to do something, Annie,” he spoke just above a whisper, probably so Peeta wouldn’t overhear. Peeta silently inched closer to the doorway. “I’ve never seen him like this. I don’t like it.”

Peeta poked his head around the corner as Finnick toiled around the kitchen, shifting his phone from one ear to the other, nodding his head every so often.

“Yeah, I’ll try,” he conceded, but he didn’t sound confident in whatever mission Annie had bestowed upon him. “Get her to talk to you, and I’ll work on this end.” He was quiet again for a few moments, sorting through the box of K-cups in the cabinet, his back to Peeta. “Yep. I love you, too. Bye.”

He set his phone on the counter and resumed his search through the pods. “I still can’t believe you guys have a Keurig when all you two drink is hot chocolate and tea.” Finnick didn’t turn around as he addressed Peeta, who was still standing in the doorway. Apparently Peeta wasn’t as quiet as he thought he’d been.

Peeta shrugged as he entered the room, heading straight for the expensive coffee maker. Finnick set the bottle of ibuprofen in front of him but Peeta shook his head. “My head is what hurts the least right now, which is surprising, given all the crying I did.” He chanced a look at Finnick, who held up his hand to stop him.

“I’m going to stop you before you even apologize,” Finnick said, setting aside his usual teasing approach to serious topics. “I can see how torn up you are, man. Everyone can see it.”

For once, Peeta didn’t know what to say so he just nodded his head. He prepared his tea, grabbing the remaining half of the lemon he’d used in his tea yesterday. Finnick made himself comfortable at the kitchen table and began tapping away at his iPad. He left Peeta to his morning routine, which was much appreciated.

A few minutes after Peeta had settled across the table from him, reading through the morning news on his own iPad, Finnick cleared his throat. “So, were you talking to yourself all night, or were you having nightmares?” He tried to sound nonchalant asking the question he probably already knew the answer to.

Peeta stared pointedly at him, figuring the bags under his eyes would speak for him.

“Look, I get it,” he locked the iPad and replaced the cover on it. “You know how bad my nightmares got when my Aunt Mags died in college. I know how scary and draining they are.”

Peeta was grateful for Finnick’s friendship every day, but today he probably felt it the strongest. “I know,” Peeta agreed, debating whether he wanted to risk losing his composure again in front of Finnick. “That’s the thing, though. It’s like being awake is worse than any nightmare I could have.”

“And why is that?” Finnick asked clinically, but the concern in his eyes was apparent.

“It’s like…” Peeta started, still struggling to find the right words. “It’s like, at least in a nightmare, on some level, I know that it’s not real. You know what I mean?” He ran his hand anxiously through his hair to the back of his neck, where it stayed when he continued. “It’s when I’m awake… When I’m blindly going through the motions every single day, when I can’t catch sleep because even a nightmare would be a relief, when I know that this is all real – that Katniss is gone – that’s why it is worse.”

He hung his head in defeat, resting it between his hands. Only the sound of the clock ticking on the wall filled the silence between them for some time. Peeta’s thoughts were racing, but he didn’t have the energy to keep up with them.

“Have you talked to Katniss?” Peeta asked. Saying her name aloud was almost physically painful. “Or has Annie? _Please_. Tell me the truth.”

Finnick mirrored Peeta’s posture and rested his head in his hands. “No,” he admitted. “She won’t talk to anyone.” Finnick sounded defeated, so Peeta knew Katniss had probably been giving their friends the silent treatment as well. Finnick met Peeta’s eyes as he lifted his head from his hands. “What even happened? You’ve been moping and she’s been MIA for over a week, and you won’t talk about what happened.”

“I know.” Peeta squeezed his eyes shut, as if the gesture could rid him of all the horrible things he was feeling.

“What did you fight about?”

“Too much.” Peeta’s admission seemed to surprise Finnick. It surprised Peeta, as well. Usually he replayed his fights with Katniss on a loop until one of them waved the white flag of surrender so they could move on. “Nothing at all… But everything, at the same time.”

Peeta began to rehash how the argument started, although he couldn’t pinpoint exactly where things turned from bickering to actually fighting. The three hours they’d spent at each other’s throats ranged from arguing over laundry and household chores, to money and marriage.

When he’d finally lost his temper, Peeta laid into Katniss about her standoffish demeanor and accused her of not being committed to him or their relationship. He knew, even before he’d said it, that it wasn’t true. Katniss was quiet by nature, but she balanced out his more outgoing personality, and it really only bothered him when she closed herself off when she was upset.

It was incredibly selfish of Peeta to accuse Katniss of not being committed to him. What did one call seven years of dating and two years of living together if it wasn’t love and commitment? He was also more than confident that she loved him wholeheartedly, despite his faults. After her initial, yet persistent, resistance to dating and falling in love with him, she didn’t hesitate to tell him or show him how much he meant to her. Peeta’s attack on her stemmed purely from his own insecurities about their relationship. It was spurred on by his paranoia that he wasn’t worthy of her love, and that she was just waiting for him to fuck up badly enough that she could leave.

Finnick listened intently, nodding and ‘mhm’-ing when necessary. He showed no sign of the judgment, pity, or disgust Peeta felt toward himself—he simply let his friend talk. When both their cups were empty, Finnick collected them and prepared round two at the Keurig. Peeta took a break from talking, and inhaled deeply a few times, finally able to collect his thoughts. He didn’t feel better necessarily, but he could think straight for more than ten seconds at a time.

As Finnick set the tea in front of Peeta, he mused, “You know what a lot of people say about women…”

Peeta steeled himself, prepared to tell Finnick to fuck off for suggesting that Katniss was ‘just some woman.’

“That they’ll come and they’ll go,” Finnick continued, seeming unaware of the anger Peeta was about to unleash on him.

“Not Katniss,” Peeta’s voice was low and serious, more than ready to defend her and their relationship, even if it was in shambles.

“No. Not Katniss,” his friend agreed simply. Peeta gaped, the raging tide receding quickly.

“Katniss is… She’s everything.” Peeta stated, the quiet reverence that always surfaced when he spoke of Katniss finally appearing.

Finnick nodded, slurping his coffee just to irk Peeta. “I know she’s everything to you. And you have to believe you’re everything to her.”

Peeta shook his head, confused. “I thought you were going to try to talk me into letting her go. This certainly went in a different direction.” He laughed as Finnick’s cocky grin finally took its place, but the sound felt foreign after almost two weeks of moping.

“On the contrary, Peeta, my boy,” Finnick gestured grandly. “I’m talking you into going to get her. And fighting to get her back.”

“I’d love to, Finnick,” the bitterness back in his voice, “but she made it clear she doesn’t want to be with me anymore.”

A loud snort escaped Finnick. “Bullshit.”

“Katniss needs to be with someone who can give her everything she needs. If that’s not me, then okay. I just want her to be happy.”

Finnick rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and that’s you. She’s happy with _you_ ,” he stressed. Setting his mug down, his good humor vanished. “Look, I know your mom spent most of your life pumping you full of this ‘you’re not good enough’ shit. And I know it can be easy to believe, but she’s so wrong, man.” He paused, cautiously taking in Peeta’s expression. “Aside from being my best friend and very successful business partner, you are also one of the best people I know. Not many people would put up with all my shit for this long, so in my book you’re a fuckin’ saint.”

Peeta scrubbed the back of his neck again, giving his friend a tired, yet genuine, smile.

“Thanks, Finn.”

“But I think that deep down you know that Katniss couldn’t leave you for good. You know she’s had a hard time accepting love, the same way you have.  I’ve never seen stars in someone’s eyes like hers get when you walk into the room. Come on, she laughs at your dad jokes. I can honestly say I’ve not seen two people more grossly in love than you guys.”

Peeta took time to process everything Finnick had said. Unfortunately, he’d made sense, which meant Peeta would have to tell him he was right. Then he thought of Katniss. He pushed down the immediate pang of regret and drew from a deeper level. He pictured the way the sunlight shone off of her coal black hair, and the way she smiled when she genuinely laughed at something. Peeta recalled the pride she took in her work, although she’d rarely bring it home and let it interfere with their time together. She had proved, day in and day out, her devotion to him. He knew she loved him fiercely.

“Don’t doubt what you guys have, Peet,” Finnick pleaded earnestly. “Because you know you’re not going to find that with anyone else.”

“I know,” Peeta nodded resolutely. He made the decision then that he would do anything it took to get Katniss back in his arms and the house. If this separation was any indication, he couldn’t live without her. And if his own gut and Finnick were to be believed, maybe Katniss didn’t want to be without him either.

As all these thoughts raced through his mind, the despair lightened just the slightest bit and made room for something shiny and new: hope. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- **_Part Two: Katniss_ **

“I’m not doing this anymore, Peeta,” she chanced one last glance at him before she left.

He stared back at her, looking as utterly broken as she felt. There was fear in his eyes, and a chill ran down her spine. He knew that this fight was different somehow, too. She didn’t know how it turned from bickering to a full-blown yelling match, but it had happened about two hours ago and she was exhausted.

As she reached for the doorknob, she warred with herself, somehow trying to slow down time. She needed to delay her departure. She knew once she walked out the door, things would be different. As infuriating as Peeta could be sometimes, she didn’t want anything to change. When she twisted the knob, the phone started ringing. She froze for a moment but shook her head; they didn’t have a landline that would be ringing. It rang again and Katniss turned for the door for a second time.

Grasping the doorknob, Katniss startled awake, clutching the water bottle that was on the bedside table when she’d fallen asleep early this morning. She immediately turned toward Peeta’s side of the bed, reaching for the firm body that would hold her and assure her she was safe. But she wasn’t at home and she wasn’t with Peeta. It took a moment for it all to come back to her as she regained her bearings.

The hotel phone rang again, the red light flashing. She picked up the receiver. “Hello?” She cleared her throat, her voice hoarse from lack of sleep.

“Good morning, Miss Everdeen. This is your wakeup call!” A woman’s voice, one that was far too chipper for the first thing in the morning, came through the speaker.

“What time is it?”

“It’s six o’clock sharp, just as you requested,” she chirped. “And just a reminder that your checkout is at ten this morning. If you have any questions, you can always call the front desk.”

“Uh, yeah,” Katniss stumbled, still groggy. “Thanks.”

“Have a great day!”

Shit. She forgot her checkout was today. When she came to the hotel after her fight with Peeta, she’d only paid for three nights. Realistically she had hoped they would have reconciled by now, even though she’d been furious when she left. Since they’d met when they were twenty years old, she could only remember one time they went more than a few days without talking. It was after their first date, and Peeta later told her he was worried he’d freaked her out, so he intentionally stayed away.

Even when they fought like this, which was very rare, she only ever spent a night or two away from him. Now it had been three nights apart and she and Peeta hadn’t even spoken to each other since she walked out of their house. Her thoughts drifted back to the dream she’d woken from. It was the same one every time she fell asleep. Not the same, really: different versions of the same event. Each time she dreamt, their conversation went a little bit differently, but still ended with her leaving, no matter how hard she willed herself to stay.

If only she’d willed herself to stay that night, but at the time, she felt it was her only option. Compared to the emptiness that grew every day without Peeta, staying would have been a hell of a lot easier. They’d both said things that they regretted immediately; at least Katniss regretted them immediately. But Peeta was no angel in this scenario, either. He liked to nitpick Katniss’ personality and her personal issues during their fights. For as many hurtful things Katniss threw his way, he sent them right back.

Katniss’ phone buzzed with an incoming text, presumably from Prim or Annie, but a silly part of her hoped it would be from Peeta.

**Annie Cresta: Will you talk to me yet?**

Katniss sighed, reading the text a few times before messaging her back. If she ignored it, Annie would guilt her into calling or stopping by to see her, and a text message was much easier for Katniss to handle at the moment.

**Katniss Everdeen: No.**

Peeta had no doubt told Finnick what had happened. It certainly explained why she got several texts each day to make sure she was alive and well. The few other times their fights had warranted Katniss leaving the house, she had stayed in Finnick and Annie’s spare bedroom for a night or two, but she couldn’t stand facing them when she’d left the other night. She definitely couldn’t face them if Peeta had told her the terrible words they had exchanged.

It was kind of funny, really. The majority of their time together, Katniss and Peeta were blissfully happy. While Katniss had a temper and was slightly volatile herself, their relationship never felt that way. Peeta’s calming influence had affected her a great deal, and she knew the change was evident to those around her. The two of them got along well and had learned to compromise over the years, even though they playfully bickered about meaningless things.

Peeta adored and respected her. He made her happier than she ever thought possible. Although she was hesitant to let him in for a long while, she knew that Peeta and their relationship was the best thing that happened to her. Even after seven years, she still got that giddy feeling when he would do nice things or tell her that he loved her. While he’d never intentionally made her feel like anything less than practically perfect, Katniss couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe she didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Peeta Mellark.

Another buzz.

**Annie Cresta: Will you call me when you’re ready? We’re really worried about you.**

She sent back a generic thumbs-up emoji and turned off her phone for the day. There was only so much human interaction she could handle right now, and she had to pack up and get ready for work.

\----

Katniss stood in the kitchenette of the office and waited for the coffee to brew. She despised the taste of it, and considered it a failure on her part that she had resorted to drinking the stuff in order to function properly. She killed the few minutes by washing everyone else’s dirty mugs in the sink and setting them aside to dry. Anything to keep her mind off her personal problems. As she filled her ‘I’m silently correcting your grammar’ mug that Peeta gave her, her co-worker Johanna Mason approached, which might have been the only way for her morning to be worse. 

“Everdeen,” Johanna nodded. Katniss nodded back, grimacing at the horrid taste of the coffee. She poured a disturbing amount of sugar into the mug before grabbing a stirrer and heading back to her desk.

To Katniss’ dismay, Johanna followed her. Katniss ignored her, pulling up her city email account to get a head start on whatever work she had to do today. She was a half hour early again, but she wasted no time in setting to work.

“You’ve been in pretty early this week,” Johanna mused. “Trouble in paradise with Lover Boy?”

_Observant little shit_ , Katniss thought to herself. Holding that thought back, she scowled and sent a nasty look Johanna’s way. She hoped it’d be enough to warn Johanna not to mess with her this morning, but the cocky look on Johanna’s face squashed those hopes.

“What do you want, Johanna?” she asked, exasperated. “And yes. There _is_ trouble in paradise, and I don’t really feel like discussing it with you, of all people. So if you have nothing work-related to discuss with me, please just leave me alone.”

The normal bite she’d have to her tone was gone now. It had been a full week since she and Peeta had spoken, and there seemed to be no end in sight. Katniss couldn’t remember the last time she was so exhausted. The few hours of sleep she managed to get each night were plagued by nightmares of their fight, or being lost in the woods where she grew up, which she knew like the back of her hands. Peeta and the woods: the only two safe places she knew, and they nearly destroyed her each time she closed her eyes.

“Whoa,” Johanna’s voice was soft, free from the abrasive tone she took with Katniss since they began working together three years ago. The two didn’t get along, to put it nicely. For whatever reason, when Katniss began with the city, Johanna had taken a strong dislike to her right off the bat. Rather than kiss Johanna’s ass and try to build a friendship or even a respectful working relationship, Katniss gave it right back and they’d been having it out ever since.

This was a new side of Johanna that Katniss hadn’t seen yet. Johanna took a seat opposite Katniss, setting her mug and paperwork on the edge of the desk. “Katniss, I’m sorry,” she sounded somewhat sincere, but Katniss wouldn’t let her guard down. “Is everything okay?”

Katniss shook her head, the defeat written all over her face. “No, it’s not. But, like I said, I don’t want to discuss it with you or with anyone.” She resumed signing into her email, the pain hitting her when she typed in Peeta’s initials and birth date. Johanna didn’t move, giving Katniss a deliberate look that showed she wasn’t getting out of the conversation. Releasing a frustrated sigh, Katniss mumbled, “I’m not living at home right now.”

“Where are you living, then?” Johanna looked thoroughly confused. “I only ask because that’s the third time you’ve worn that shirt in a week, so I’m guessing you don’t have all your things with you.”

“No, I don’t,” Katniss scowled again. “Don’t worry, I do know how to do laundry. When did laundromats get so expensive, by the way?”

“Are you living in your car?”

“Oh my God, no,” she rolled her eyes. “I’m staying in some motel by the interstate. I was in a nice hotel downtown, but only booked a few days so now I’m in this one. It’s clean enough, but the mattress is ridiculous and I don’t even have my good pillows.”

Johanna snorted and rolled her eyes right back. “You’re not living in the home you share with your longtime boyfriend, but you’re worried about not having your pillows. Good to see you have your priorities straight.”

“Whatever,” Katniss mumbled. She knew Johanna was right, but she also refused to let Johanna see how miserable she had been since her fight with Peeta. No matter how much upheaval she was experiencing at home, or not at home in this case, Katniss would not let it affect her work. If anything, she’d been more productive in her attempts to keep the pain and loneliness at bay.

Johanna left without another word. Katniss hoped she wouldn’t return to have another conversation about the shitty state of her personal life. She couldn’t handle too many of those, which was why she still turned her phone off all day. The incessant texts from Prim and Annie were enough to try to dodge; it was only a matter of time before the one word answer would become insufficient and the women would hunt her down. Katniss wouldn’t risk adding Johanna to the list, not that she thought her co-worker would care that much.

The morning and afternoon passed at a snail’s pace, as the days had been all week. Katniss threw herself into her work, but, unfortunately, it offered no reprieve from the taunting voice in her head. She knew that she’d messed up with Peeta, but she didn’t know how to fix it, or if the situation was even fixable.

The distance between them was taking its toll on her. She constantly wondered where he was, how he was doing, and if he was missing her half as much as she was missing him.

Stubborn as all hell, Katniss wouldn’t make the first move. Her display the night they fought was a clear sign that Peeta was meant to be with someone better than her. Someone who could love him without reservation and would give him the life he’d always dreamed of. She loved him wholly and unconditionally, but she still had issues and baggage that maybe Peeta just didn’t want to deal with. She couldn’t blame him if he didn’t.

Promptly at four o’clock, Johanna walked into her office again, this time coming around to Katniss’ side. She slapped a single key onto her desk and turned for the door.

“Come on, loser,” she called over her shoulder. “We’re cutting out early today.”

“What?” Katniss was too startled to be pissed off about the name-calling.

“Let’s go!”

Shutting down her computer, Katniss rushed to grab her coat and purse. It wasn’t that she was particularly excited about whatever adventure Johanna had in store, but she couldn’t stand to look at a computer screen for another second. An early out on this Friday didn’t seem like such a bad idea at all.

When she caught up with Johanna in the parking lot, Katniss questioned her again.

“What is this? And why are we leaving early?”

“It’s a key to my house, Brainless,” she replied, trying to remain casual about the whole ordeal. “And do you really need a solid reason to leave early on a slow Friday?”

Johanna drove them to a dive bar a few miles away from the city building, and Katniss got comfortable in a booth while Johanna ordered their drinks. When she made her way to the table with a few shots and a large mixed drink for each of them, Katniss began her questioning.

“So why is it that you’re kidnapping me and giving me a key to your house?”

They both sipped their drinks, Katniss had a 7&7 and Johanna had a rum and Coke. Johanna downed a shot before she responded.

“Well,” she paused, and Katniss was a little nervous to hear the answer. “I know we’re not the best of friends,” Katniss raised an eyebrow at her. “Or friends at all, but I can see that you’re struggling, and I’ve never really seen you off your game.”

“I’m not making mistakes,” Katniss was quick to defend herself.

Johanna laughed. “I know that. I’m referring to your sparkling personality.”

Katniss felt a mixture of stunned, offended, and shocked to find that her co-worker actually cared about her well-being.

“And maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this,” Johanna took another sip of her drink, while Katniss downed nearly half of hers. “But we’ve been getting calls every day at the front desk for about a week asking if Katniss Everdeen was in the office today.”

“Did he ask for me?” As far as Katniss knew, Peeta had only contacted her once the whole week, and that was when her phone was turned off. He hadn’t left a voicemail, but Katniss was still too angry at the time to think about returning his call.

“I don’t know who it was, but he did sound suspiciously like your Kennedy-esque boyfriend,” she gave Katniss a wry smile. “And, no. He just wanted to know if you were in the office.”

Katniss tugged at the braid lying over her right shoulder. This was surprising news, although she didn’t really know why it surprised her. Peeta had always been respectful of whatever time she needed to heal or cool down. It made sense that he would check to make sure she was showing up for work, since he couldn’t pump Finnick or Annie for any information. Katniss wasn’t sure she was one hundred percent ready to talk to him, but why hadn’t he even asked to talk to her? Did he finally realize how much better he could do than her? That idea, in and of itself, terrified Katniss more than anything else had in her life.

“So what happened between you two anyway?” Johanna questioned. “You’re kind of grossly in love, aren’t you?”

Katniss nodded, unsure how to answer the question. “Honestly?” Johanna nodded. “I don’t even know how it started. Something stupid, probably,” Katniss lied, embarrassed by what actually triggered their blowup. “Peeta and I both have nasty habits of saying the most hurtful things we can think of at the times they will hurt the most.”

“So what did he say?”

“A lot.”

“And what did you say?”

“A lot.”

“Then it seems like you’re even, right? Nothing you can’t come back from.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Katniss wrung her hands in her lap. “We bicker a lot, but about tv or books or stupid things, not anything that really matters. We hardly ever fight like this, and this one was _bad_. We haven’t spoken since. I told him I didn’t want to deal with him anymore and I just left. I don’t know why, but I did. I miss him like crazy, but I’m still so mad. I don’t know if he’d even want me to come back.”

Johanna nodded, taking it all in. Her face was clear of judgment, and only showed understanding and sympathy. Katniss finished the rest of her drink in one gulp, signaling to the bartender for another round. Johanna held up her hand to stop the bartender, and reached into her purse for her car keys and a few bucks for a tip. Katniss looked to her in question.

“We’re not here to get you drunk. That’s the last thing you need,” Johanna reasoned. “I just wanted you to be able to relax a bit. Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“God, you really are brainless, aren’t you?” Johanna rolled her eyes, a glimpse of her brashness coming through. “We are going to my house. You look like shit and I have a spare bedroom you can stay in until you and Lover Boy work things out.”

The offer shocked Katniss, even though Johanna had mentioned it briefly after they’d arrived. Katniss was grateful for the gesture, she couldn’t deny that, but still was confused at to why Johanna, of all people, was coming to her rescue.

“Okay…” Katniss hesitated. “Why are you helping me?”

“Honestly?” Johanna asked. Katniss nodded. “I’ve lost pretty much anyone I’ve ever loved, friends, family, and otherwise. I know how it feels to be lonely. I don’t want you, or anyone, to wake up every morning feeling the same way.”

Katniss couldn’t say anything. She’d not seen Johanna so honest or serious before, and she was truly touched.

“Look, this doesn’t mean that we’re friends or anything,” Johanna declared. “I just figured maybe you’d want to stay somewhere there wasn’t a ninety-nine percent chance you’d get bedbugs.”

Katniss stood and gathered her things once more. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Johanna brushed it off. “Let’s go, Brainless.”

\----

“You’re sure you don’t mind my staying at your house while you’re gone?” Katniss asked Johanna as she finished stuffing her briefcase with her laptop and files.

“Brainless, enough,” she chided. “I’ll only be in the Capitol for a few days. You’re fine.”

“Okay,” still uncertain, Katniss gave in. “As long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” Johanna replied in a sing-song voice, her irritation getting the better of her. “You’re saving me money on a house sitter anyway, so we’ll call it even.”

“Alright.”

Katniss walked Johanna to her car. The workday ended almost an hour ago, but the two women were preparing for a big presentation Johanna would be making in the Capitol in a few days. If it went well, the department would see a hefty grant for the next fiscal year.

Johanna climbed into her car, her suitcase already in the backseat where she packed it this morning. She was heading straight to the airport, so Katniss would be returning to an empty house.

“No wild parties when I’m gone!” Johanna rolled her window down as she cackled. Over the past week, Johanna had taken to mocking many of Katniss’ low-key tendencies, including her desire to stay in over going just about anywhere.

Despite their rough start with each other, living together had calmed the bad blood between the women. Johanna had eased up somewhat in her teasing, but assured Katniss the second she snapped out of her funk, she would be back to harassing her—this time for the fun of it. In return, Katniss had obliged Johanna’s request for her to ‘stop scowling so fucking much,’ and joined her new roommate/landlord in binge watching _House of Cards_ on Netflix.

When Johanna pulled away, Katniss became acutely aware of the knot that had settled inside of her for the past twelve days. She dreaded going back to Johanna’s house, knowing that the very tiny distraction she’d been given was nowhere to be found. Staying with Johanna had not helped Katniss feel better, nor had it released any of the pain or anger she’d been feeling since her fight with Peeta. If she was able to concentrate a fraction on what Johanna said, that was a fraction less pain she would feel. That’s what she told herself, anyway. Now, she knew she had no excuse to run from her feelings.

Alone and lonely, Katniss spent Saturday on the couch, only moving to use the restroom and pay for her takeout when it arrived. When she attempted to read, all she could think of was the book that was lying on her nightstand at home. For a change of pace, she tried binge watching the new Netflix show with Ellie Kemper, and, in any other situation, Katniss would have been belly laughing. Of course, her only thought was how funny Peeta would think the show was. She stopped watching after the first episode.

Even though she’d taken a sleeping pill, Katniss barely slept a wink. Sunday morning came hard and fast, leaving Katniss feeling drugged and more alone than ever. She passed the time scrubbing every available surface in the house clean, even though Johanna told her she paid a cleaning service. The more time Katniss spent with her thoughts, the more she hated herself. She hated herself for so many reasons: most of all, for pushing away not only Peeta, but also everyone else she loved.

She was still angry with Peeta, and she was still hurting. As much as she’d like to pretend she was innocent, she was just as responsible for the situation they were in as he was. Johanna had kept her informed every time Peeta called to make sure she was in the office, but Katniss did not have the nerve to call him back. She had Johanna track the number, so she at least knew that he was also at work. Still, up to this point, she’d refused to call him or anyone else back, which was why she was surprised at how easy it was to push the call button on Sunday night.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Katniss responded.

“Hi.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing. What’s up with you?”

“Nothing.”

A sigh. Then, a minute of silence.

“So… What are you doing?”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Katniss?” Annie screeched. Katniss held the phone away from her ear, unable to make out the verbal lashing her friend was no doubt giving her for disappearing for a full two weeks.

“Where are you?” She asked. “Where have you been?”

“I’m staying at a Johanna’s house, actually.” Katniss knew Annie would get a kick out of that one.

“You _hate_ Johanna,” Annie spat. Katniss cringed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to sweet talk her way out of the conversation Annie was going to force her into, not that she could sweet talk her way out of anything. Katniss braced herself, knowing it was only a matter of time before it all started.

After a few seconds of silence, Annie spoke again. This time her voice was calmer and full of concern. “Are you okay?”

Katniss blew out the breath she had been holding. The knot tightened every time she thought about how _not okay_ she was. Her throat constricted and the tears she’d been shedding silently, day in and day out, threatened to make an appearance.

“No, I’m not,” she told her friend, trying to sound unaffected.

“What in the fuck happened, Katniss?”

Katniss thought for a long minute about what she would tell Annie. What _had_ happened? The burning in her chest grew and she squeezed her eyes shut, warding off the tears. Instead, it had the opposite effect and the tears pooled over, streaming down her cheeks, hot and wet.

“I ruined everything, Annie,” she rushed out. “I ruined it all, and I don’t know how to fix it.” This time she was unable to hide the pain in her voice, and she began to cry with her friend.

Annie quietly hushed her, assuring her that it would all be okay and that they would figure a way out of the mess. Katniss wasn’t convinced, though.

“It’s not okay,” Katniss sobbed. “I hurt him so badly, Annie. I saw it in his eyes. I hurt him. There’s no way I can take it back.” She sniffed quickly through her sobs. “Why would he even take me back at this point? He needs someone who will give him everything.”

“Katniss, where is this coming from?” Annie questioned. Katniss wasn’t sure how much Annie knew, but she didn’t want to tell her what an asshole she’d been while they were fighting. “You _are_ everything to Peeta.”

Katniss wiped her tears with a tissue and blew her nose loudly, preparing for another onslaught of sadness. “I keep having these dreams…”

“Nightmares?”

“Sometimes,” Katniss admitted. “They started as all nightmares, but now the nightmares are peppered with these really lovely dreams where Peeta and I are happy again. And I wake up, and I roll over for him.” She whimpered, the pain throbbing in her heart and chest. “I reach for him every fucking time and he’s not there.”

“Shh,” Annie soothed. “He’ll be there again. I promise.”

“It’s the good memories that are driving me mad. I keep reliving the fight, but then I keep reliving all these amazing memories and those are even worse.”

Annie was quiet for a few minutes, allowing Katniss to regain some composure. She was still crying, but the howling sobbing she’d succumbed to had finally subsided for the time being, at least. When she’d gotten her breathing close to normal again, Annie spoke.

“Have you talked to him at all?”

“No.” Katniss responded in a small voice, and wondered when she became such a coward.

“It’s been, what?”

“Fourteen days.”

“That’s a long time,” Annie remarked.

“It’s a long fucking time.”

“And how do you feel?” _What kind of a question is that?_ Katniss screamed internally.

“It hurts,” She inhaled deeply to keep the tears at bay. “It hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt. It feels like a part of me isn’t there anymore, Annie.”

The nauseous feeling she’d been battling for the better part of two weeks returned. The pizza she’d eaten for dinner threatened to come back up.

“Katniss?” Annie asked.

“Hm?”

“It’s time to fix this. Peeta loves you more than anything. Don’t pretend like you don’t know that.”

“But what if he changed his mind?”

“He didn’t.”

“I guess.”

“I have to leave for work now, but text me if you need me. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Katniss?”

“Yeah?”

“He does love you.”

“I know.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

****  
_Part Three: Peeta & Katniss_  


~~

**Peeta - 9:39 AM**

 

Day Fifteen brought on a whole new set of challenges for Peeta. He had spent the weekend at work, putting out fires that occasionally came up with a successful business. Truth be told, a lot of the issues could have been dealt with from home, but, if he’d been at work all weekend, he could allow himself an excuse for being so exhausted. Furthermore, he was sure if he spent any more time at home alone, he’d lose it. The fact was, Peeta was hanging on by a thread, and he feared that thread would snap at any time. While he was still downright miserable, he knew he would have to curb his moping eventually.

For two weeks, Peeta had called the city building to ensure that Katniss was safely at work. After ten workdays and two full weeks of hearing nothing from her, he decided today was the day he would stop. She hadn’t missed a day of work since their…whatever it was..and by the knowing tone the receptionist took with him, Peeta figured Katniss knew by now that he had been calling.

He wasn’t quite sure why he didn’t want to call this morning; he just knew he wasn’t going to. Maybe it was a bad case of the Mondays. Maybe he just did not care anymore— _yeah, right_. Or, maybe on a selfish level, he hoped that if he didn’t call, Katniss might. Peeta knew it was a long shot; if she hadn’t contacted him by now, she probably wouldn’t. But he also knew that he wasn’t picking up the phone today unless the call came for him.

~~

**Katniss - 12:52 PM**

Katniss called in sick Monday morning. It was only the third time she had done it in four years, but she couldn’t stand another day of pretending like she was fine. She was far from fine. Logically, she knew the distraction of work would be best for her, so naturally she did just the opposite. She did the absolute last thing she probably should have done: she stayed in bed at Johanna’s all day.

Being ‘under the weather’ wasn’t necessarily a lie. She felt hungover from the crying she’d done on the phone with Annie the previous night, and after, continuing well into the early morning.

“Ugh,” she groaned, rolling out of bed to use the restroom. She took in her appearance: she looked like shit. “So much for a good cry being ‘cleansing’ and ‘good for the soul.’”

Katniss’ head throbbed and her eyes were puffy and swollen. Her whole face hurt, and she hadn’t showered since Friday before work. As she washed her hands, she briefly considered taking a bath in the jacuzzi tub in Johanna’s master bath, but thought better of it when she realized she would have to walk down the hallway to get there.

Throwing herself into bed, she booted up Netflix and chose a random episode of _West Wing_ to watch. As the show opened, she rolled away from the computer and into a ball, praying that sleep would take her anywhere to escape this waking nightmare.

~~

**Peeta - 5:13 PM**

Peeta’s leg rattled the contents of his disk, constantly bouncing and hitting the bottom. His anxiety was getting the better of him and his silent phone was mocking him. He was just about ready to leave for the day, but figured he would check his cell and work voice mailboxes just one more time. No phone calls came in for him today, from Katniss or anyone else, for that matter. Thinking that his silence would spur Katniss to action was a stupid thought, and he felt like an idiot for even considering it.

Once he’d typed in his passcode, 0-5-0-8, the machine informed him just how pathetic he was: no new messages. Like the sucker he was, he listened to the saved messages. There was one from his oldest brother, which he promptly skipped over, but the rest were from Katniss. He closed his office door, afraid someone would see the state he was in, and listened to all the messages. After they were finished, he doubled back and listened to a few of his favorites.

_“Hi, baby! I just want you to know I love you. You’ll kill this presentation—I know it! I’m proud of you. Call me when you’re finished.”_

Peeta smiled. She sounded so enthusiastic in the message that the first time he heard it, he wasn’t quite sure it was actually Katniss. That message was from when he and Finnick had to travel to the Capitol to give a presentation to their investors on the status of the business. It wasn’t anything Peeta had been especially concerned about, but Katniss’ support meant the world to him. She’d been supportive of their business from the get-go, and was Peeta’s number one fan, without a doubt. His heart ached to hear her so happy, so, running his hand through his hair, he moved on to the next message.

_“Peeta, are you fucking kidding me? Where in the hell are you? Prim’s waiting for us, and I’ve called you like fifteen times. What the_ fuck _? If you don’t get here soon, I’m divorcing you.”_

She made little jokes like that, but Katniss was _pissed_ when he came home over an hour late for her birthday last year. If they had been married, Peeta had no doubt there would have been divorce papers in his near future. But she was only angry for a little while. Peeta had been so late because he and Prim were out shopping for the pearl pendant necklace he’d given her. He got off on a technicality, because _technically_ Prim wasn’t waiting on them and _technically_ she had only called seven times. Prim and Peeta both teased Katniss that she forgave him so quickly because he’d bought her fine jewelry, which pissed off Katniss even more that they’d gone behind her back, because they often liked to gang up on her. Regardless of how angry she’d been at first, her night ended in Peeta’s arms, so neither of them complained.

Several more messages played: some sweet, some funny, and a few yelling, for whatever trivial thing had come up. The only reason his voicemail wasn’t clogged at all times was that Katniss didn’t have a strong desire to leave voicemails often. When she did, Peeta thought they were special. Even the ones that were a simple, “hey, call me back;” he didn’t care. He cherished each message, and now they were tearing him apart. But nothing hurt him more than the last message. The final message on his machine was from the last time they’d fought like this, over a year and a half ago. His heart felt like it broke all over again every time he listened to it, including this time.

_“Hey, Peeta… I see you forgot to charge your phone again… That, or you’re ignoring me. And if you are… Baby, please don’t… I love you… I love you so much, and I’m sorry. For everything… I’m tired of fighting, so let’s just…not. I can’t do this without you, ya know? …I’m coming home. Please be there when I get home.”_  

She’d been sniffling throughout the message, and he could feel the pain in her voice. He was sitting on the porch waiting for her when she came home less than an hour later. They hugged and kissed and cried for hours, apologizing, talking things out, and professing their love for one another. And then, they’d spent hours showing how much they loved each other. Their relationship had been fine—more than fine—for over a year and a half. Until fifteen days ago.

The vision of Katniss walking out the door flashed through Peeta’s mind for the hundredth time that day, and he slammed his hand on his desk. He looked down to find the screen of his phone shattered. Peeta hurled the phone across the room, wanting it out of his sight.

~~

**Katniss – 8:45 PM**

 

Katniss set down the bags filled with takeout containers on the countertop next to the case of water she had brought in on her first trip from the car. She ventured out to the nearest Target to replace some of the food in Johanna’s pantry and all of the bottled water she’d drank. On her way home, she swung by one of her favorite places for some greasy bar food, and then another restaurant for her favorite lamb stew. If she was going to eat her feelings, she was going all out.

She took her time emptying the containers, knowing that once she sat down, she probably wouldn’t get up for awhile. Grabbing a few bottles of water, some paper towels, and silverware, she set them out on the coffee table in front of the television. She was almost embarrassed she had to make a second trip back for the food. Almost. Because she knew how it felt to be truly hungry, Katniss enjoyed good food, but hardly ever gorged herself like this. She had been well-off financially for several years now, so she nearly forgot to feel guilty for the exorbitant amount of food that sat in front of her.

Pushing the guilt away, Katniss navigated to the HBO Go app on the TV and used the sign-in information Johanna had left behind, insisting Katniss get caught up on quality television. _Peeta would be so jealous_ , Katniss thought instinctively. They often argued about subscribing to premium cable channels, with Peeta insisting that it was a necessity for their household. Neither of them had “rich people cable” before, so Katniss always told him he just wanted the extra sports channels and to watch TV shows where the nudity wasn’t monitored. She briefly wondered if he knew you could pay online for just HBO now; he hadn’t mentioned it in awhile. _I need to remember to tell him_ , Katniss thought before she stopped herself.

She didn’t need to go down the rabbit hole of wondering when she would talk to Peeta again. Today alone, she had spiraled too many times. Katniss turned her attention back to the television. Several people had told her the show was hilarious, so she supposed now was as good a time as any to watch _Veep_.

For how genuinely terrible Katniss felt, by the end of the first episode, even she was laughing a little. Snorting, mostly. Not as much as if she were in a decent frame of mind, she knew, but she at least had a break from the constant torture she continued to put herself through.

By the time Selina asked if the President had called in the second episode, Katniss felt thoroughly embarrassed for her. It had her sorely missing Peeta—even more than she had before. One of their favorite hobbies was finding characters they could bond over, and people they felt embarrassed for, example: Michael Scott, were high on the list of ones they loved. Grabbing the remote, she quickly slapped her finger over the stop button. She scolded herself that she couldn’t even watch a stupid show without breaking down. It had been over two weeks; she should be getting better by now. Peeta probably was, she told herself.

The television returned to whatever program had been on when she turned it on earlier. Some notes from the song Katniss liked in _Enchanted_ rang through the house. She watched Amy Adams happily twirl around with a very confused Patrick Dempsey. As hard as she tried to avoid it, she couldn’t help but feel like Dempsey’s character, wandering through her days with this larger-than-life, positive, wonderful human being at her side. The two in the movie eventually got their happy ending, after slaying the evil Susan Sarandon, but would she and Peeta? This fight, the last two weeks, was the first time in their relationship that she actually doubted they would.

Clicking the TV off, Katniss went to the guest room and pulled her laptop and phone from under the covers. She turned on her phone first, suddenly anxious to see if she had any messages waiting for her. There were two voicemails from work, six texts from Prim, and four from Annie. Those could be dealt with later. Or not. She didn’t find what she was looking for, so she turned her attention to her laptop, booting it up and plugging it into the charger dangling from the wall.

Her email was full of messages, but none from Peeta. She wasn’t quite sure what she expected, but she’d still held on to a tiny slice of hope. The tears ran down her cheeks, staining the shirt she’d been wearing for three days and she hit compose. Katniss sat for almost two hours, typing an email she knew she wouldn’t send.

**Dear Peeta,** **Thunder only happens when it’s raining...**

~~

**Peeta – 1:48 AM**

Peeta was wired. After his final breakdown at the office, he turned worked well into the night. On his way home after ten o’clock, he didn’t waste his time hoping that Katniss’ car would be waiting in the driveway when he pulled up. He knew he’d return to an empty driveway, empty house, and empty bed. Still, being right didn’t hurt any less.

Katniss wasn’t much of a cook. Sometimes she tried, but it was usually Peeta who did the cooking in the house. He would cook gourmet meals and loved that Katniss was typically a receptive audience; she’d try anything once. These last two weeks, though, Peeta’s meals had consisted mostly of takeout, frozen pizza, and Pop Tarts. He decided to go with Ramen for the night, one of his and Finnick’s favorite meals from college. As he tidied up around the house to keep himself busy, he lost himself in the chores and the broth boiled over, effectively putting an end to his attempt at cooking for the evening. Not that he couldn’t boil another pot of water, but if he couldn’t concentrate long enough to make Ramen, then he didn’t want to eat anyway.

Peeta settled on the couch with a bag of chips and flipped through the channels mindlessly for a couple hours. He knew he had exhausted his mind, but, like always, his thoughts drifted to Katniss.

Peeta remembered the first time he saw her like it was last night instead of eight years ago. Professor Flickerman required that all the students in his Intro to Theatre class attend the spring musical, and Katniss was playing the lead. From the second he laid eyes on her, he was captivated. When she sang, it was so beautiful that even Finnick was moved to tears.

He went back the next night with Finnick in tow again. They sat in the second row and he swore she noticed him that second time, even though she refused to admit it to this day. After the show, Finnick forced Peeta to introduce himself and the rest was history. Kind of.

Katniss didn’t come around immediately, but Peeta didn’t mind. They spent a year building trust and friendship with one another before he worked up the courage to tell her he liked her and asked her on a date. She reluctantly agreed, thank goodness. Peeta knew, even then, that Katniss was the woman he was going to marry, if she would allow it.

The infamous Sunday two weeks ago started like most others: Peeta rose before dawn and made homemade cinnamon rolls while Katniss slept in. They had spent the previous night with her younger sister, Prim, who took the evening to announce that she was pregnant. While Prim and Peeta were elated that she and her boyfriend, Rory, were expecting, Peeta was not so dumb that he missed the frozen smile on Katniss’ face or the drastic change in her body language. For being such a terrible liar, Katniss put up a decent front until they reached their car.

She vented on the drive home, insisting that Prim was too young to have a child and she had her whole life ahead of her. Peeta held her hand and listened intently, nodding in all the right places. They went straight to bed when they got home, falling to sleep contentedly in each other’s arms.

Peeta woke her up with cinnamon rolls and juice that morning, and while she thanked him, he could tell her sour mood from the night before had not dissipated. She spent most of the morning and afternoon silent, occasionally apologizing for being such a grouch. When he assured her that it was okay, she said nothing else.

He was wary of bringing up Prim and her news, but when Katniss didn’t eat her favorite dinner, it was time to talk. They sat together on the couch, catching up on the DVR when he casually asked Katniss if she thought Prim and Rory would move in together now that she was pregnant. He’d barely finished his question before he physically withered under her glare.

It was like poking a sleeping, sulking bear, and he knew it. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how or where to stop when poking said bear.

“Come on, Katniss,” he reasoned. “This is a good thing for Prim. She’s happy and healthy, and the baby will be, too.” Boy, was that the wrong thing to say.

Katniss pulled back from him immediately, whipping her head around to face him. “You think I don’t know that?” She snapped. “Of course that child will never want for anything, because _Prim_ has never wanted for anything.” Peeta gaped at her; Katniss even seemed taken aback by her outburst. “My point is, Prim has no idea what the real world is like.”

“And who’s kept her this sheltered and comfortable?” Peeta prompted.

She scowled deeply before continuing. “She is twenty-two years old, Peeta. She has her entire life ahead of her, and I don’t know why she wants to throw it all away and be a parent.” The words came spilling out, one after the other, until she no longer knew what she was saying. “Why does she want to do this to herself? She has no idea how difficult it is to raise a human being. Why does she want to ruin her life?”

Peeta looked and felt as though she had slapped him. In a way, she had. “Is that what you think of having children and starting a family? That it ruins your life?”

“Peeta, you know that’s not what I mean.” Katniss looked panicked and her voice broke as she said it. _How many times have we discussed becoming a family?_ , he asked himself. Taking a deep breath, she stilled herself and took his hands in hers. “I worked so hard, for so long, to take care of her. Everything I did was so she didn’t have to live a life like mine.”

He argued with himself, unsure if he was offended or if he understood, but he was already on edge. “I’m sorry your life is so terrible that your sister couldn’t possibly be subjected to it,” he remarked bitterly. The offended part of him had clearly won.

“No,” she demanded, shaking her head. “No, that’s not… That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what _are_ you saying, Katniss?” He spit. “Because it sounds to me like you think you’re settling.”

“God damn it, Peeta,” she yelled loudly, standing from the couch, creating distance between them. “You do this every time!”

“Oh, really?” He taunted. “I do? What do I do?”

Katniss grunted in frustration. “ _This!_ You know that I’m not good with words. Why don’t you ever just give me some time to say what I mean instead of jumping down my throat?”

It continued for nearly three hours. Every tiny misstep that each of them had taken note of over the past year and a half bubbled to the surface, and even some from before their last fight. Everything, from marriage to children to houses, came up throughout the night. They screamed and cried and slammed doors in each other’s faces, each action hurting more than the one before.

Going over it in his mind, he knew they would have been fine if he just hadn’t said that one last thing. It was what made her walk out the door that night. That was the thing he hated himself most for every day.

Peeta slammed his fist down on the arm of the couch. He needed to shake these thoughts, try to get some sleep, even though it was now after two o’clock in the morning. Shuffling into his shoes, he grabbed a jacket and his car keys. He had no idea where he was going, but thought maybe if he drove around long enough it would tire him out, not unlike a toddler. So he got in his car and he drove.

~~

**Katniss – 2:04 AM**

After a hundred failed attempts at writing an email, Katniss had been staring at the ceiling for several hours, first on the couch, then on the living room floor, and now in bed. She didn’t plan to sleep tonight, so she killed the time alternating between letting her daydreams and her nightmares drive her mad. At this point, Katniss did not know which hurt more: reliving every horrific moment of every fight and all the things they’d done wrong, or remembering the happiest moments and how many times they had gotten it right over the years.

It gutted her to think of the terrible things she’d said that night. For as much as she was hurting, she knew she had hurt him just as badly. They were both guilty here. Her anger had finally simmered, and it was replaced by a profound sadness. Katniss just hoped that maybe he wanted to fix it as much as she did. They had been together for a quarter of their lives, but it wasn’t enough time.

How could she fix it? How could _they_ fix it? _Too much time has passed_. The thought crossed her mind, but fifteen days was nothing compared to facing a lifetime without Peeta. Was she prepared for that? Absolutely not. Still, she couldn’t shake the despairing thought that maybe they had both gone too far this time. The tail end of their fight, their vicious words, cycled through her mind over and over. 

“Have you even thought about us buying a house together? Or is that also ‘too much?’” Peeta made air quotes at her, mocking her resistance to begin house hunting. Katniss knew the subject was bound to come up. They’d discussed it more than a few times, but she always seemed to have an excuse.

Katniss had no idea why she was so reluctant on the matter. There was no doubt she was fully committed to Peeta. She knew that a house together—a home to share—was the logical next step. However, she sure wasn’t going to tell him that in the heat of the moment, so she went quiet, as she always did.

“Figures,” he glared bitterly at her. A long time ago, Katniss recognized that one of Peeta’s very few flaws was to always assume the worst from silence, something that stemmed from his heinous mother. It had caused them problems before, as Katniss’ default mode _was_ silent. It was a vicious cycle, but they usually tried to be patient with one another when it came up.

“I won’t even bother asking if you’ve made up your mind about a dog,” he grumbled. The poor guy had been begging for a dog for three years, even before they’d moved in together. She finally relented and agreed to think about it when he pouted enough a few months prior. Katniss had done a lot of thinking and Finnick had done a lot of convincing, of which Peeta was unaware.

“You know what? Fuck you.” She spat at him. If he wanted to make not-so-subtle digs at her, game on.

“Oh, that’s lovely.”

“Why are you always on the defensive, Peeta?” This wasn’t a question, this was a demand. “Finnick and I have been looking at dogs, for your information, but he thought it would be better to surprise you closer to the spring, but you’ve been an asshole and now you ruined it.” Peeta looked surprised, but not enough to take the anger out of his features. “At this rate, you’ll be lucky if I’m around by springtime.”

Katniss knew how low and how untrue it was before she said it, but she couldn’t help herself. Furthermore, she knew how much it hurt him when she mentioned leaving, as he seemed to think she always had one foot out the door. When they fought like this, it was psychological and emotional war. _God, what a mess,_ she scolded herself. Why did she continue to hurt him? She loved him more than anything.

“By all means—feel free to leave.” His voice was shaky.

“Oh, whatever,” she said exasperatedly. They’d been yelling at each other for too long, a few hours probably. She needed to put an end to this before it ended badly. As she opened her mouth to call a truce, Peeta opened his, as well.

“You know, why is it so hard for you to make a commitment to me?”

“What?” Her voice was low and threatening, a tone she reserved for the moments she was a breath away from snapping.

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” Katniss could see and hear that he was seriously hurt, and as much as she wanted to call this all off and comfort him, she was also seriously hurt.

“We live together. We share a bank account. I have given you eight years of my life, Peeta,” her tone was a mixture of pleading and resentment. She was more than familiar with the ‘fear of commitment’ talk.

“Seven years,” he shot back. He was probably hoping to prove a point that he was ‘more committed’ to the relationship than she was because he wanted to get married and she was still unsure. What he seemed to forget was that she wasn’t unsure about spending her life with him, just unsure about the institution of marriage.

“I can assure you… I’ve given you _eight_ years,” she corrected. “Peeta, I love you with every part of me. I love you the best way I know how. I’m sorry if all that isn’t enough for you, but it’s all I have.”

They both had tears in their eyes at that point, and it could have gone either way.

“Katniss, _you_ are enough. But this,” he gestured around their home, “is not enough. I want more. I want everything with you.” She felt the frustration coming from him, but she didn’t know how to comfort him.

“I’ve already given you everything!” Her voice was hysterical.

“Is it _me_ who’s not enough?” Peeta tugged at his hair desperately before resignation took over. “If that’s the case, Katniss, that’s fine. Just say the word.” Katniss rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath. Peeta and his voice turned to acid. “What was that? Come on, use your big girl words.”

“For fuck’s sake! How many times do we have to have this conversation?” she asked no one, as Peeta had retreated back to the kitchen to get a glass of water. All that fighting could make a guy dehydrated, apparently. “Why does it always have to be like this, with you acting like a kicked puppy?”

Peeta spun around so quickly he almost knocked Katniss over. They were so close that she could see his eyelashes were wet from tears, his eyes bloodshot from the effort not to let them fall.

“You _know_ why I’m like this!” he yelled at her.

“And _you_ know why _I’m_ like this!” she bit back. He hung his head, and for once, Katniss had no idea what he was thinking. “What do you want me to do? Go?”

“It’s funny how you accuse me of being so insecure all the time, Katniss. You offer to leave so often, sometimes I think it’d be easier for both of us if you just did.”

Katniss physically lost her breath and it took her a few seconds to recover. “Is that what you want, Peeta?” Her voice was dangerous. Peeta scrunched his eyes shut, and she did the same, wishing that when she opened them again, they would find this was all a ridiculous prank.

“Answer me!” She screamed, her voice hoarse.

He took a steadying breath and Katniss felt the hesitation.

“Too long.” She shook her head, turning from him and tearing through the house for her things.

“Will you listen to me?” He followed her, but she wouldn’t stop and she wouldn’t listen. He’d said all he needed. Or maybe it was what he didn’t say. Either way, Katniss packed the necessities and left.

Looking back, maybe it was immature of her to walk out, but at the time, it was the only thing that felt right. She couldn’t throw any more words at him; they had all been used and abused. Katniss had spent a large chunk of the last two weeks brainstorming what she could have said or done instead of leaving. That was a new kind of torture for her.

Katniss chucked the covers off her and shivered in the cool night air. The full moon shone in the window, illuminating most of the bedroom floor. She may have appreciated the sight in any other instance, maybe making a joke about the werewolves howling at the moon. But tonight, she needed to escape. So she escaped the only way she knew how: music.

The jacuzzi tub was almost full by the time she’d figured out how to use the built-in sound system. She powered her phone on, but immediately put it in airplane mode so she could continue to avoid the human race. Pressing the shuffle button in her music app, Katniss sank in. 

The scalding water felt wonderful. The pain was just enough to pull Katniss away from the edge of the emotional cliff she was on. Combined with the music, some of the tension melted away. She was still strung way too tightly, but at least she felt like she could catch her breath for a second.

She sat in the tub, letting the music take her away, until the water cooled enough to become a bother. Draining the tub, she climbed out and made her way over to Johanna’s giant shower.

It featured a rainfall showerhead that felt wonderful on Katniss’ skin after she’d spent the weekend lying in bed. She took her time washing her body and her hair, not caring that she was using Johanna’s salon-brand shampoo. After a while, she even began singing along quietly to the music that kept her company.

Just as she was applying the conditioning treatment she found on the shelf, the opening notes of a very familiar song took her back to another memory of Peeta. It was another time and place, but still the two of them.

The girl playing Fanny Brice in Panem University’s production of _Funny Girl_ had gotten mono early on in rehearsals, so the director had given the role to Katniss. She hadn’t thought she wanted it, but she grew to love the music and the character. It held a very special place in her heart now, for obvious reasons.

Katniss sang along with the first verse of the song as she vaguely remembered seeing a pair of blue eyes the first night Peeta came to see her show. On stage, you can see a lot of people, but can’t quite decipher who is who. The second night, the night the show closed, he and Finnick sat in the second row, and Katniss struggled to tear her eyes from him.

When the time came for Katniss to sing the final song of the show, “My Man,” she sang the whole song to Peeta. She would never admit it to him now, because that’s exactly how he told the story, but he was absolutely right. The look of wonder on his face enchanted her. She couldn’t look away.

So, now, she sang the song to him again, wherever he was, although the lyrics were a little more truthful and bittersweet this time around. Standing under the streaming showerhead, Katniss belted the song that meant so much to her and Peeta; only now it meant a whole lot more. By the time she sang the final _“When he takes me in his arms/The world is bright, all right”_ Katniss was sobbing. But she continued, letting the words and feelings take control of her.

When the song ended, Katniss let the water wash her tears down the drain. Then she turned off the water and stepped out, stopping the intro of the next song. She stared herself down in the mirror, taking in her fragile appearance, from her sunken in eyes from restless nights, to the hipbones that now protruded due to her lack of appetite.

“What have you done?” She asked herself out loud, her voice catching. Katniss quickly blinked back the tears, refusing to let even herself see her cry.

Patting herself dry, Katniss knew she had to make a plan. She couldn’t go on like this, and, deep down, she knew Peeta couldn’t, either. Grabbing a random notebook she’d found in Johanna’s office, two pens, her purse, and her car keys, Katniss went to her car. She had some serious thinking to do. She knew she couldn’t do it here, but she didn’t know where to go. So she began the drive to the only place that came to mind. 

~~

**The Hob Diner - 3:12 AM**

Katniss pulled into the near empty parking lot just after three o’clock in the morning. She’d known the owner most of her life, and, spotting Sae’s car, she pulled around back and entered through the kitchen, as she usually did. The Hob was a small diner in her and Peeta’s college town that was owned and operated by an old family friend of the Everdeens. She offered a polite ‘hello’ to the kitchen staff and made her way to the front. Sae gave her a warm hug along with a questioning look to which Katniss shook her head and retreated to a familiar booth.

Setting the notebook in front of her, she ordered her usual: hot chocolate with extra whipped cream. While she waited, she clicked the pen in her hand frantically for a few minutes before opening to the first page.

She didn’t know why she came here. Maybe it was because she was craving hot chocolate, or because it was a safe place outside the city—she had driven more than forty miles to get here. Or, maybe more realistically, Katniss wanted to be close to Peeta. This place held a lot of happy memories for them, and although it wasn’t something sappy like their first date, the parking lot was where they shared their first kiss. The diner was the best place Katniss could think of to feel close to Peeta, besides their house. And if Katniss went back to the house, she wasn’t going in unprepared.

To begin, Katniss tried to list everything she had said and done wrong. Maybe having a written list of her faults handy would help. She hoped Peeta wouldn’t make her, but she needed to be ready to grovel, if that was what it took. Peeta had done it enough times, so she figured it was only fair if she took a turn, too.

No matter what she wrote, it wasn’t adequate. Irritated by her struggle to put her thoughts to paper, Katniss wondered if it might be easier to write him a letter to explain her feelings. Peeta was always the one who was great with words, not her, but maybe she could surprise him. She had to really try if she had any hope to make things right. The emails she’d tried to write earlier were hopeless, but she refused to give up on this. On him. On them.

The bell over the door rang as Katniss tore out the page she’d scribbled on and crumpled it into a ball. In front of her was a blank, white page, waiting to be filled.

             **_Dear Peeta,_**

She addressed the page to him, unsure what was in store for the content of the letter. Katniss repeatedly traced over his name, never finding words that were good enough to tell him how sorry she was. How much she loved and missed him. She traced and traced until the indent was so deep, she though it probably reached the last page.

A presence beside her and a throat clearing startled her from her trance. She quickly covered the notebook and looked up to assure Sae that she wasn’t hungry.

And there stood Peeta.

He was shocked to see her there. On the drive over, he had prepared himself to feel nostalgic and possibly sad when he reached the diner, but seeing Katniss was the last thing he expected. She looked thinner than the last time he’d seen her, with sunken in, red-rimmed eyes that gave him the impression that maybe she’d been crying, too. Still, she took his breath away.

Katniss stared at him, wide-eyed, a little concerned that she might have been hallucinating. That maybe, after how long she’d spent wishing he would magically appear, her mind conjured it for her instead. He looked terrible, but still beautiful. His hair was askew in a way that told her he’d been pulling on it, and his face was red and splotchy. What they each noticed immediately, though, was that the pain in each other’s eyes mirrored their own.

It had not been an easy two weeks for either one of them—that was evident. Although they had both resigned to make this better, they were treading on thin ice. Neither knew when they would have another opportunity to fix things.

“Hi,” Peeta finally spoke, his voice hoarse but sad. She wanted to wrap him in her arms and bear his pain for him.

Katniss offered a small tentative wave as she saw Sae watching them from the cash register. “Did she tell you I was here?” As she gestured to the woman, Peeta turned around, shaking his head.

“No, I, uh… I just felt like coming here.” He wasn’t lying, but he couldn’t meet her eyes for more than a second or two. When their eyes caught, Katniss found the fear in them, the uncertainty of their future.

Katniss nodded, daring to hope that he was there for the same reason she was.

“We… We should probably talk,” he scrubbed the back on his neck.

“Yes.” Katniss angled her body to face his. He was standing at the end of the booth, but he didn’t try to sit down yet. She tried to steel herself, in case the odds weren’t in their favor this evening, but she just wanted to talk to Peeta.

He was silent, tugging on the strings hanging from his hoodie, until Katniss spoke again.

“I had nightmares,” she blurted out, not knowing what else to say. Peeta cocked his head slightly. “I keep having these terrible nightmares, and I wake up and you’re not there.” The tears were ready to fall, but she blinked them back.

Peeta’s expression was pained. “I know.” He swallowed hard. “And I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two weeks because you’re not there.”

The first tear fell but she swiped it away quickly. He wasn’t accusing her, but was simply stating a fact that she had to acknowledge. “I know,” she nodded slowly, wishing even more that she had been there for him.

“You hurt me.” His voice was sad and small, as if he’d barely whispered it. His eyes were redder than before and a tear slipped out.

Katniss hung her head in her hands. Somehow hearing him say it out loud hurt even worse than the torture she’d been inflicting upon herself. “I know,” she whispered. “I was awful.” Then, as if she’d just remembered it, “But you hurt me, too.”

Peeta sniffed dramatically, trying to will away the tears they both knew would eventually come. “I know. I was horrible, and I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head deliberately. “ _I’m_ so sorry.” This time, her voice broke and she didn’t hide the tears. If there ever was a time to show Peeta she could be open and be vulnerable, it was now. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated, hanging her head in her hands again. “I just want things to be good again, and together is the only way we can get there.”

“Katniss?” He asked for her attention and she looked up from the cradle of her hands. Peeta took a deep breath, praying he wasn’t about to say the wrong thing. “I love you.”

“I know,” she acknowledge with a nod and a breath of relief.

Without another word, Peeta slid into the booth beside Katniss. He wrapped one arm around her shoulder and she instinctively melted into his embrace. It was an awkward side hug, but they each held on for dear life.

Peeta inhaled a scent of shampoo that was not Katniss’, but he didn’t have to search very long for the scent underneath that was inherently _her_. She fisted his sweatshirt and brought it to her nose, finding cinnamon, dill, laundry soap, and Peeta. Feeling safe and whole again, Katniss squeezed him tighter to her, and he reciprocated.

Katniss and Peeta both knew they had changes to make, but to assure each other that their love was still intact was the first step toward making those changes. Their love had some bumps, nicks, and cracks along the way, but the foundation was solid. Even their own insecurities couldn’t shake their love, and, no matter how many times they’d tried in the past, they knew they wouldn’t let it happen again. The major talk could wait until the morning, hopefully after they’d had a decent night’s sleep at home together.

They were silent for a long few moments before Katniss spoke again. “I love you too, you know.”

She could feel him smile into her hair as he responded. “I know.”

~~

**Epilogue – One year later**

“Katniss made me do this so she could put it off as long as possible, so bear with me while I find my footing here… If you ask Katniss to speak in a formal or sometimes even informal setting, she’ll say ‘words are Peeta’s thing, not mine,’ and quickly dismiss your request. So I’m kind of happy she doesn’t really have a choice here without looking bad."

“Katniss… You are… You are indescribable. Shortly after we met, I spoke with my dad about you. I asked him what real love was like, and asked him to describe it. And he told me something funny that I haven’t forgotten. He told me that real, true, life-changing love wasn’t something you could describe in one sentence or in a whole book. He said that love was a million different feelings that added up to that soft, dreamy smile you get one your face, or the starry, far-off look in your eyes, when you think of that person. My dad said that he couldn’t think of any words that could accurately describe love, just that, when it’s there, it grabs hold of you and doesn't let go.

“It’s been ten magnificent years since then, and I still can’t find the right words to describe our love. I know how I describe you, how I describe myself and our life, but our love just… _is_. It’s there and it’s powerful and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Meeting you was just about the best day of my life.

“We’ve had a lot of time to figure this out, haven’t we? Some of that time wasn’t so great, but for the most part, it’s been a magnificent ride. Even the hardest times, when we were apart, I wouldn’t trade them for anything, because every second of this relationship has made me a better partner and a better man.

“For a long time, I didn’t think we would ever be here, in this moment. And for a long time, I felt very hurt and sometimes a little resentful about that. For that, I am so sorry. I know that you’ve forgiven me, but I promise with all of my heart that I will never do anything to make you regret this day. I’m not perfect and we’re not perfect, but we’re pretty damn close, and I know we will make it through everything life throws at us. 

“Having said that, I know you gave me a list of demands for this marriage, but I read it, laughed at it, and put it in a drawer somewhere after you left for work. You took a chance on a date with me nine years ago, so I took a chance on this. I’m sure it’s not everything you wanted, but I did my best.

“Katniss, my love, I promise that I will try my hardest every day to make you feel how loved you are. I promise to tell you and to show you as often as I can without being obnoxious.

“I promise that, while you work on yourself, I will work on myself. There’s not doubt that we can do anything together, and I promise we’ll keep it that way.

“I promise to be more patient with you and to keep my eye rolling to a minimum when I think you’re acting insane. Now that we’ve finally bought a house, I’ll continue to be patient while you decide if we can get a dog. I’ve been waiting four years, so what are four more? I have the rest of our lives to wear you down.

“When we fight, because we inevitably will, I promise to let you call me out on my shit. I will do my very best to hear you out and not assume the worst. Sometimes you’ll just want to be quiet, and I promise to respect that. I can’t promise that I’ll be an angel, but I _can_ promise that I’ll say what I mean and I won’t slip back into old habits.

“For the rest of our lives, I promise to protect you in the best way I know how. I promise to keep you safe and happy at all costs. Our little family, whatever it turns out to be, will come above all else.

“Katniss, I fell in love with you during the first conversation we ever had. From that moment on, you’ve made my life worth living. I don’t know why the universe smiled upon us and brought us together, but I am grateful that it did every single day. I know that I could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve the love we share. You are so special. _We_ are so special.

“What I want to say more than anything today, Katniss, is thank you. I won’t let you back out now, but I could have lived without being married to you, if that’s what was in the cards for us. But thank you for not making me. Thank you for being willing to compromise and teaching me how to do so along the way. Thank you for marrying me, Katniss. But more importantly, thank you for loving me.

“I will love you and cherish you until the end of my days. Always.”

Finally finished, Peeta breathed a sigh of relief and let the tension in his body release. He hadn’t looked away from Katniss the entire time he spoke and he wasn’t about to now. She looked as radiant as the sun in her silky, cream-colored gown that had a burnt orange sash that adorned her waist. It was the most beautiful he’d ever seen her, but it wasn’t from the dress or the hair or makeup; it was from the soft smile that stayed on her lips through the ceremony. It was because she hadn’t taken her eyes off him, either, and they both knew this was exactly where they were supposed to be.

They were in Finnick and Annie’s back yard in front of around fifty or so people, only their closest family and friends. After their fight over a year ago, Katniss and Peeta had a long talk about marriage and what it meant to each of them; it was all very civil and way less dramatic than their other talks. They heard each other out and agreed to table the topic until they’d made some changes in their relationship.

A few months later, Peeta came home to a beautiful, delicious dinner set at their dining room table. After they had eaten, Katniss told him she wanted to talk about marriage again. Peeta didn’t know what to expect, but looked up to find Katniss bringing her hands out from under the table. As she set the engagement ring he’d been hiding for years on the table, she said, _‘Do you want to marry me, Peeta? Because I want to marry you.”_

Knowing that marriage was a huge step in itself, Peeta left the wedding up to Katniss, even offering to elope or simply go to a justice of the peace if that was what she wanted. She and Annie had planned most of the evening, only asking for his input on food and the cake, which he’d made. It was an intimate, meaningful affair, and suited them perfectly. Peeta couldn’t be more grateful for anything.

Katniss cleared her throat, smiling at Peeta, hoping it conveyed everything she was feeling. Her eyes shone with unshed tears, but also the pure, unadulterated love she felt for Peeta. His vows were complete, and they were beautiful. Every word he spoke was significant and relevant to them and their relationship, soon to be their marriage. It wasn’t such a scary thought anymore, to know that she’d have Peeta by her side every day for the rest of her life. Taking a deep breath, Katniss steeled her nerves. Peeta had told her exactly how he felt, and now it was her turn.

“Well now that you took my opening line… Sometimes I feel like somewhere along the way, God or the universe or whoever made a mistake in bringing us together. That maybe they got me confused with someone else, someone more deserving of the love you have to give.

“I don’t know why you chose to love me, but I’m so glad you did. And I’m so glad that you continue to love me every day, no matter how much of a pain we both know I can be.

“I have kind of a funny story to tell you… The first time I saw you, you were sitting in a crowded theater. Finnick kept whispering in your ear, and you would either shush him or elbow him to be quiet. You were actively watching the show, your eyes never left the stage, and it gave me all the confidence in the world, even though you were a complete stranger. I never expected to meet you, or even see you again, but a part of me hoped that I did.

“Then you came to the show a second time, on the night we closed. You were right in the front that time, wearing a shirt and tie while everyone else wore jeans. You were beautiful. Your eyes followed me for most of the performance and I struggled to make sure you didn’t catch me watching you the few times you looked away. Again, you gave me the confidence I didn’t know I needed.

“Because it’s our wedding day, I decided to give you something you’ve wanted since we first got together. When I saw you, I knew you were special; I knew I wanted to meet you. So, if you bring it up again, I will deny it, _but_ for one day only, I would like to confirm that I did, in fact, sing to you that night. And I’ve been singing for you ever since.

“You came into my life at a time when I didn’t think a happily ever after was possible for me. I honestly had no intention of falling in love or getting married, and I was okay with that. You took everything I ever thought I knew and turned it upside down. I’m so happy that you did, Peeta. My life didn’t feel right before you. I know that this is exactly where we’re supposed to be.

“Thank you for being patient and understanding with me. Thank you for letting me take my time when the wrong words come out, or, worse, when no words come out. Thank you for loving me and being everything that I need, often times before I know I need it. Thank you for being _you_ , and making me a better _me_.

“This is the part where we promise things, so here is what I promise to you. I promise that sometimes I’ll be stubborn and sometimes we’ll fight, but we will work through it together whenever that happens. I promise to let you make me cinnamon rolls every Sunday morning and I won’t complain about it. I promise that we can share the DVR space 50/50 instead of our current 85/15 in my favor. I promise I’ll sing to you whenever you’re not feeling well. I promise that someday we will get a dog; I don’t know when, but we will. I promise to honor and love you and our family above everything.

“I love you more than I knew was possible in this world, Peeta, and I promise that I will love you fiercely, with all of me, without reservation, every day for the rest of our lives.”

Katniss and Peeta were both crying, watching the tears of joy running down each other’s faces as they said the formal vows required by the state. Through all the years, the good times and bad, they were closer than they’d ever been, and were more than ready to start this new chapter. A new adventure together.

So when the justice of the peace pronounced them husband and wife, Peeta took Katniss in his arms and kissed her like nothing else in the world existed. She returned it, pouring every ounce of love she had into the kiss, confident they would overcome anything and everything, as long as they were together.

**The End.**

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank yous to jamiesommers and katnissdoesnotfollowback for editing. Thank you both for your friendship, love, and support.
> 
> Thank you, also, to the ones who make PiP so fun, smooth, and successful.
> 
>  
> 
> Come find me on tumblr: abbythebear


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